Monday, September 27, 2010

Ryan Vanderbeck - DJ and Friend

He's a really good DJ, I swear!
It's with the saddest tears that I sit here thinking about where to start writing. 

Ryan (or RyRy as I called him to tease), was the kind of friend that, for even those who don't believe, fate entwines your life with. He was the kind of friend who you would meet at least once in your life, but remember him always for the person he was
  • Devoted
  • True
  • Passionate
  • Talented

I just want to share a brief story about our friendship and what it meant to me.

- True Story - 
Step 1 - Assess Workload
About 230 in the morning on a weeknight (not sure what day), we are sitting in his room in Vedder Hall (home for my Junior year) and listening to some new beats he is thinking about mixing into a set. He was always very experimental and used a variety of electronic genres to come up with the perfect tracks, or elixir as we called it. He was never sure about anything in his life and girls were just not on the priority list...odd considering we went to one of the biggest party schools in the US.

Anyway, he's really into this new project of his and even though we both have an 8am class the next morning, this was just another night we just said F**K it, life's too short and you absolutely have to think about how much happiness you need to take from it. Every second counted and so we spent most of it awake, pondering over how electronic music is more than just music; it's a faith, a map, a direction, a way of life for some, but most importantly it is a bringer of peace. You never hear about fights at a rave the way you do at a rock concert or the likes. We'd spend hours thinking about all the reasons to justify our totally truant behavior, even though we knew come 8am, we would be cursing each other.

So this night, the one of many that I remember vividly, I ran out of cigarettes and being chained to the nic, I couldn't not have one. It was probably -10 that night and the snow earlier that night was quite heavy. So heavy that even though he offered to drive me to the gas station to get smokes, we knew that we'd first be digging a car out of some serious snowage. I took my camera out because I knew this is not something to be forgotten.

Step 2 - Curse Foreign Friend
I go outside with RyRy and his car is parked somewhere between a 6 foot and an 8 foot mound of snow. His was the 5 footer cause it wasn't an SUV. His infamous Audi 100 - the car that influenced my passion for german engineering and also why I went on to buy a lemon A4. We spent about 1.5-2 hours trying to dig his car out and it just wasn't happening, so Ryan comes up with a crazy idea to walk over to a common friends place and steal his car. This night did not end well, but I got my smokes from someone while en route back to our dorm after being shamed by a locked door.

We spent about 3 and a half hours trying to find a cigarette cause I just had to have one and Ryan stuck by me on my quest the whole time. Just my kind of friend.

You rest in peace my brother, you will be remembered, missed and revered for your vision to make the world a calmer place.

For those who wish to continue reading, here's a conversation we shared over email after I returned to Pakistan from the US in 2004/5 (parts edited for privacy):

 ryan vanderbeck
 to me


how did everything go getting home? whats up with tigger?  its 2:10am and i cant sleep.  i looked to see if you updated your blog but i guess your still unwraveling from all the travel n such.  anyhow i hope your settling in well.  keep me posted. -Ryan
- Show quoted text -

Zohare Haider
 to ryan


hey bro,

i got back this mornng at 6 am. my flight got delayd in manchester for 7 f****g hours cause of some technical problem. im finally here and i am so relieved. i am so exhausted though and am waiting until about 10 pm tonight to turn in and get some rest. i havent yet been able to catch up on sleep. i will update my blog later when i get a chance. Anyway, hope everything is well withyou man. keep me posted. peace

- Show quoted text -
-- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zohare S. Haider BA Economics    

ryan vanderbeck
to me


i'm glad you got home okay.  what have you been doing since being back home?  i beat halo 2 last night, it was easy lol.  just a long game to get through.  you find out that there are 7 rings lol.  i called brock tonight and he was at the bull run with ali and khaled.  lucky him!  i was in nyc on tuesday and shadowed some account executives.  found out they are not hiring until next year but two ladies are  going to be fowarding my resume to people they know at other firms.

things could be better, i found out that (edited) has a tumor in (edited).  but they dont know if its malignent or not yet?  he'll have to have surgery to remove the growth.  so i've been really upset about that.  makes me wonder what the hell will happen to (edited) if things dont get better for his health (edited). ahhh just have to think positive and not get too worried about it.

let me know how tigger is too! poor kitty!

okie dokie, time to jump on my bed and crash.  wish u were still here man.  i'm really glad we had a chance to spend so much time together before u left for home.  having good times  again is what i look forward to!  night Z

Zohare Haider
 to ryan


hey buddy, ur crazy man. im glad u finished it. get yourself sorted out bro. i am glad you got the chance to shadow the execs, it usually is very helpful to see a day in the life of... just keep chugging man. i think i might have landed a job with a huge bank here called standard chartered, it was the first bank in the world to go international, it is british. anyway had an interview yesterday and i think it went well.

i am terribly sorry to hear about (edited) health, he is a trooper so even if he had a (edited), he would keep on chuggin and that is the example you should live your life by. I will pray that it turns out to be benign, and i am sure it will be.

tigger is well. adapting to the pakistani way of life, got him a new litter box yesterday and he is just crazy. i gotta get him some food from the states. i have a friend coming from cali so ill ask him to get it.

Listen, keep your head up and don't look back. You have a long life and you should look forward to it being half has fruitful as (edited), even more if you work for it!

Your friend, Zohare

ryan vanderbeck
 to me


dude, thats awsesome u might be getting a job so soon over there. btw, how is the adjustment going?  i am reading your gupshup now because it helps me keep track of whats going on with you and is quite entertaining lol.  keep writing bro.

i found out that (edited) does have (edited) cancer, so he has to have surgery.  this is pretty early detection, so he'll have a good chance at a 90%+ recovery.  makes me think about life a lot deeper and how valuable every day is with the ones you care about.  also makes me think more about how i take care of myself.  complete paranoia setting in here man lol... u best stop smoking Z lol.  i was gona ask u when you were here if we could promise to keep a promise to each other each (i didnt because i think it was my place to) but i was gona ask u to promise to quite smoking.  now i wonder what you would have asked me to do.  maybe we can still promise each other something. lol

my buddy adrian is coming into yardley tomorrow, flying from paris. we went to lewisburg middle school/highschool together and havent seen him in 4 years.  its gona be exciting.  i just feel weird with keep coming back into lewisburg.  i have to leave and never come back. makes me wanna do another cycling trip to get away and start anew.  i am looking for an adventure, a life changer, but its so hard to throw everything you'eve ever had in front of you away for someting u know nothing about.  i gota get out sometime somwhere, hopefully a job will allow me to do this soon.

how are things with your friends over there.  u corrupting them yet ;-) jk bro lol   what about people over here, u staying in touch?

ok i'm done rambling but would def like to hear back from you soon. be safe and remember to watch out for assholes lol.


ryan vanderbeck
 to me


everything alright back home?  been wondering how your doing....know what i'm sayin........

ez Z ez

Zohare Haider
 to ryan


wattup shindiggity! happy new year and all that jazz. hows the family? you figuring your life out yet bro? hope all is well. i am doing ok, looking for jobs and farming to keep myself occupied. mad luv dawg. your paki brother, zohare
- Show quoted text -

Zohare S. Haider B.A. Economics & International Relations      ----------

ryan vanderbeck
 to me


i  love you too Zohare!  your my brother i never had.  i really glad your with your family.  maybe one day when we are older we can start a fraternity on market street like oldschool hahahaha.  and get all the old gang back.  i'm going to come visit you in pakistan someday.

i'm really hammering out the job thing right now.  i'm dead serious about getting a 40k a year job because i want to live life man.  not be holding back on my parents wings forever.  so i've been sending out so many resumes its not even funny.  my dad even pulled out his wallet of business cards with notes on who to send cover letters with resumes too. so hopefully something will pan out.

i'm still doing techno, that keeps me young.  it will do for you too if you dont get rid of all your mp3s.  haha.  i am keeping your "memories" in a safe place, and dont worry i am not going to go through them in case you wondered about that.  i respect your privacy.  farming huh!  man you know how much i loved talking about the wilderness and outskirts of bucknell n settling in a small place and farming haha.  gosh, your living my dream bro.  well part of it atleast hehe!  hows the girl situation.  what is day to day life like.  have you seen an impact at all in society about the news of the tsunami.  here it is bigger news than Bush finally and the f*****g war! oh boy i said 3 words i shouldnt have in this email so i guesss i'm fucked by the secret intelligence groups hahah.

Z you be safe, smart, and focused.  dont slip into comfort zone too long like i have.  you need to keep your ambitions alive and fight for what you really want.  bleed to get what you want man.

ok i'm done ranting.  i miss you and think about you all the time in dreams about you sitting on your chair next door in vedder and i can just wake up and come over and chat or cook or play computer games. those memories dont fade man.  okay, take care.  P.S. i saw brock and Khalid up in lewisburg before christmas, khalid says that joesef really misses tigger.  poor sucka :(  but i'm glad you have him haha.

take care, -Ryan

Zohare Haider
 to ryan


emailed. how is everythig going? i havent had much time to sit and read and respond emails cause internet is kinda slow here so its quite difficult. ill get down to reading your mail soon. mad luv. wish your whole family for the new year from me.

ryan vanderbeck
 to me


ok cool beans.  tell your family i wish them well also!  how is life btw?
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